Alex Varty's April Fool Column

[John Doheny]

Did anyone else enjoy Alex Varty's brilliant piece of satire in last weeks Georgia Straight as much as I did? I mean here we are, living through what may well be the most exciting period ever in this city's jazz history. Bill Coon is releasing his debut CD as leader. Charles Mcpherson has just played the Cellar in support of the release of HIS new CD, recorded at the club with a local trio of our finest musicians. Amazing things are happening all over the place locally. And Alex's column last week was about...Norwegian percussionist Terje Isunset's new CD, "Ice Hotel".

For those of you who haven't read what I'm still half convinced has got to be a put on ( please, please let it be so ) Isunset has recorded a CD on instruments made of ice, in a studio built of ice at someplace called the Ice Hotel in Jukkasjarvi ( I swear I'm not making this up). According to Varty, "Once the hotel builders had finished constructing a frosty, soundproofed recording studio, Isunset set to work, along with Carling, harpist Iro Haarla, trumpeter Arve Henriksen and engineer Tor Magne Hallibakken."

He makes no mention of what techniques might have been used to construct an "ice harp" ( or more importantly, ice strings), but he does describe the sound of Henriksen's ice trumpet as " like a weasel slowly freezing to death on an arctic hunter's trapline" ( Vancouver-Greenpeace angle, perhaps?) and says that Isunset's ice percussion has a "surprisingly sensual warmth."

He concludes by saying, " Anyone can make music on keyboards, bass, drums and guitar but it takes a determined eccentric to creat the bulk of a recording out of ice."

And, I might add, it takes the Georgia Straight to ignore furious local activity in favor of wasting 22 column inches on a bunch of herring chokers freezing their pretentious asses off while tooting and plunking on frozen water.

Yes I know I haven't even listened to thing, so it's not fair of me to rush to judgment. For all I know it's the most brilliant piece of work since Mingus' "Black Saint and the Sinner Lady". And let me make it clear that I think the Straight is a terrific paper. Some of the best political and feature writing around appears there. But why oh why is the music section filled with either music for 15 year olds or silly stuff like this.

Incidently, I'll be appearing at the Cellar with my quintet on March 27th. I'm currently sequestered in my apartment working on a concept called the "Baloney-phone", a saxophone made entirely of baloney, including the reed. If I can get it together in time I'll bring it to the gig, which we'll be recording for an album titled "Baloney at the Cellar". Alex will love it, I'm sure, provided the meat don't turn green by then.

www.Johndoheny.com

[Ryan Ishkanian]

That's hiliarious! I haven't seen the article but I agree with your take on it. Can't wait to hear the Balone-o-phone. I'm working on a sax-o-sandwich. It's like your project only it incorporates a range of lunchen meats.

By the way, I'm a tenor player myself. I will try and make it down to the cellar to check out your gig thur. James Forest is a friend of mine.

[cherie]

How did the meat-o-rama gig at the Celler go, John? Did you have any scenes out of Gangs of New York with two unions facing off in the streets fighting over who you belong to... the musicians union or the meat "handler's" union? I guess there could be a few arms of the second union that could duke it out as well. Hope that you had a "packed" house to see the gig.

[John Doheny]

Well we mercifully avoided any actual bloodshed. I had an excuse all prepared for the abscence of the Baloney-phone ( Ridley's dog ate it) but no one asked. This did not , of course, keep me from relating the whole stupid story to the audience in perhaps a little more detail than they might have liked.

Other highlights included Ridley's interpolation of "Feelings" during another one of my stage announcements, and a couple of requests, one for "Song For My Father" which we pulled off pretty good (I even remembered the harmony line from the original Horace Silver recording ) and "Green Dolphin Street". Unfortunately, in the middle of my solo on "Dolphin" my brain started feeding me the Miles changes for the tune. Since Miles did it in E-flat and we were playing it in C, this created a rather Schoenbergian effect until Norm kicked me in the shin to remind me which friggin key we were in. Oh, and I also counted off the title track from our CD "One Up, Two Back" at about metronome 350. Took me most of the set break to untangle my fingers from the keys on my tenor.

I played some alto on the gig as well. I've been playing it in the Douglas College rehearsal band and getting pretty comfortable on it. An older gent whom I didn't recognize told me I was the funkiest white guy he'd seen on alto since Art Pepper, and that got my head puffed up pretty good. Then on Friday I went to see P.J. at the Orpheum and that brought me back to earth with a resounding thud.

I guess you could say it beat the hell out of working at the post office.

John D.
www.Johndoheny.com